#134 The Court Jester

Watched: September 24 2017

Director: Melvin Frank & Norman Panama

Starring: Danny Kaye, Glynis Johns, Basil Rathbone, Angela Lansbury, Cecil Parker, Mildred Natwick

Year: 1955

Runtime: 1h 41min

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A Royal child has survived the massacre of his family, and is being kept safe in the forest by Not-Robin-Hood “The Black Fox” and his singing, dancing and fairly merry men. The usurping king is not very happy about this and sends out his men to track down and kill the child who bears the tell-tale birthmark “The Purple Pimpernel”

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We chose this image to avoid being banned for lewd pictures, but it gives you a certain idea of where the birthmark is placed

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Among The Black Fox’s merry men is carnival performer Hubert Hawkins (Kaye) – a minstrel who really wants to fight for the rightful heir but who is tasked with entertaining the troops instead. Along with Captain Jean (Johns), he is sent to smuggle the child to safety, but as the pair run into the new unrightful king’s new jester, they make their own plans.

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Guess who’s going undercover!

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Once at the court, complications arise as Sir Ravenhurst (Rathbone) thinks he’s an assassin, Princess Gwendolyn (Lansbury) thinks he’s her one true love, and her Nanny Griselda (Natwick) hypnotizes our hero to be all those things. Additionally, Jean is kidnapped into prostitution at the castle, and the infant King must be kept hidden under the nose of his would-be killer. Let the farce commence!

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The prostitution-thing is not explicitly stated, but very heavily hinted at

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The Court Jester is very silly and very funny, with great musical numbers (we especially loved the opening song) and gags galore! It’s a swashbuckling adventure which reminded us in style of The Adventures of Robin Hood (we’re guessing not accidentally) and in humour of Mel Brooks – particularly Men in Tights, of course.

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Also, the inspiration for a certain famous scene with dancing, singing “knighets”!

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A fun family comedy recommended for all who love a bit of well-executed silly in their lives.

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And Murder, She Wrote-fans looking to justify their love for Angela Lansbury

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What we learned: Kings can be overthrown by dwarves and birthmarks. Also, Danny Kaye invented the drop-crotch trousers.

Next time: The Ladykillers (1955)

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#123 Seven Samurai

Watched: July 26 2017

Director: Akira Kurosawa

Starring: Toshirô Mifune, Takashi Shimura, Isao Kimura, Daisuke Katô, Seiji Miyaguchi, Yoshio Inaba, Minoru Chiaki, Keiko Tsushima, Kamatari Fujiwara

Year: 1954

Runtime: 3h 27min

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Arguably Kurosawa’s most famous film, Seven Samurai, tells the story of a 16th century Japanese village on a deadline to be attacked by bandits. In order to save themselves and their crops, the villagers decide to hire samurai to protect them, and three of them go to a nearby town to find rōnin/samurai hungry enough to work for food.

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“Free rice, you say? Count me in!”

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While no easy task, the villagers eventually recruit old rōnin Kambei (Shimura) and he, with the help of his eager new apprentice Katsushirō (Kimura), manage to gather another four samurai. Their party of six now includes stoic but brutal warrior Kyūzō (Miyaguchi) as well as three (slightly more interchangeable) friendly samurai Shichirōji, Gorobei and Heihatchi (Katô, Inaba and Chiaki, respectively).

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“Come rain, come shine, we’ll fight all you bitches!”

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But wait, you say! Isn’t the title Seven Samurai? Not six? It is indeed, gentle reader. As they make their way towards the village, the samurai are followed by crazy drunk Kikuchiyo (Mifune), who also claims samurai credentials. After pulling a stunt in the village, the others include him in their numbers, and then there were seven. Together, they will train the villagers, fight the bandits, and some will fall in love in the process. Though, sadly, not with each other.

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About to drop the hottest record of 1586!

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If the plot sounds familiar but you’re sure you’ve never seen this film, it may be because of John Sturges’ 1960 Western remake The Magnificent Seven, which takes the premise and sets it in a Mexican village with gunslingers instead of samurai. If you’re a fan of that one, we recommend you watch this original – it has drama, action, romance, comedy, and a host of colourful characters.

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There’s also incredibly cool shots like this one.

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We have a weakness for samurai, so this was perfect for us. Even with a running time of well over 3 hours, it’s engaging and interesting and never feels too long. It’s a popular film to screen in film clubs and cinematheques, so if you get the chance, you should watch it on the big screen. You won’t be disappointed. Unless you’re a grumpy bastard who doesn’t like fun.

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In which case, this guy is coming for you!

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What we learned: A lot about old Japanese hair customs. Also, given the right circumstances, floral prints can be manly as fuck.

Next time: Them! (1954)

#60 Road to Morocco

Watched: November 27 2016

Director: David Butler

Starring: Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour, Dona Drake, Anthony Quinn

Year: 1942

Runtime: 1h 22min

Note: see note for Cat People. Yup, she was still gone.

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After their ship blows up, two stowaways find themselves on a raft discussing who will eat who first. Luckily, before it comes down to that, they find land and a very friendly camel to take them to Morocco. Yay camels!

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You haven’t lived until you’ve sung a song on the back of a camel. Fact!

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They arrive in a very Arabian Nights-inspired Morocco, complete with princess in distress and violent locals, where they get  up to all sorts of zany antics including, but not limited to, selling each other into slavery. Ah – men, am I right?

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At least, this particular form of slavery consisted of courting a beautiful princess. As far as human trafficking is concerned, it could be a lot worse.

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Once Jeffrey (Crosby) finds out the exact nature of the work he sold Orville’s (Hope) into, he inserts himself into the lives of the newly engaged couple to try to win princess Shalmar (Lamour) for himself. And he succeeds. Which is just as well, as Orville seems more interested in her handmaiden Mihirmah (Drake) anyway.

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Can’t imagine why

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Now, this is when things get really complicated for the two old friends. It turns out the princess is only interested in marrying Orville because a prophecy has foretold that her first husband will die after only a week of marriage, and she is really engaged to a local sheikh, Kasim (Quinn). However, the sheikh cannot compete with the natural charm and musical talents of Bing Crosby, and the princess decides to go with the penniless American instead. The sheikh does not take kindly…

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He doesn’t take kindly at all!

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He kidnaps the princess and her entourage, and leaves Jeff and Orville to die in the desert. It’s up to them to rescue their loves and save the day!

Road to Morocco is very silly, quite raunchy at times, and it breaks the fourth wall masterfully. There’s dancing, action, romance, and cool costumes as well as sometimes sweet, sometimes fun, musical numbers. A great hangover film for early Sunday afternoon. Or Tuesday morning. Whatever rubs your Buddha.

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We all know what he will be rubbing. Ooo – naughty!

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What we learned: make sure your telescope is clean before making life or death prophecies.

Next time: To Be or Not To Be (1942)

#45 The Adventures of Robin Hood

Watched: September 30 2016

Directors: Michael Curtiz, William Keighley

Starring: Errol Flynn, Olivia de Havilland, Claude Rains, Basil Rathbone, and Una Freaking O’Connor!

Year: 1938

Runtime: 1h 42min

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Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you: our first feature film in glorious technicolor! And what a film! Swashbuckling heroes, forbidden romance, great fight scenes and men in tights! What more can two ladies ask for on a Friday night?

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Perhaps a cheeky bastard defying authority while carrying a big piece of meat..?

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The evil Prince John (Rains) and his sidekick Sir Guy of Gisbourne (Rathbone) start a reign of terror against the Saxons in the absence of John’s brother, King Richard the Lion Heart, who’s in captivity after fighting in the crusades. However, one Saxon nobleman will not be subdued – Robin of Locksley, a.k.a. Robin Hood (Flynn), the sassy leader of a band of merry men who make it their mission to protect the people and defy the rule of the Norman upper classes.

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“We’ll start sharing our loot with the oppressed once we’ve paid off these matching outfits. We should have considered the price of green dye before deciding on this colour scheme…”

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Robin, Little John, Will Scarlett, Friar Tuck and the other famous and beloved characters from the Robin Hood legends not only rob from the rich and give to the poor, they also assassinate all who threaten, torture and/or kill Saxons. Which John did in abundance.

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His mistake was going full oppressor. You never go full oppressor.

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This was one of the best Friday nights we’ve had in a while (sad, we know..). The colours are really vibrant (particularly after so many weeks of black and white films) and the characters are fun and cheeky – especially Flynn’s Robin. There’s bravery, political activist women (though turned that way by love for a man), the glorious Una O’Connor (imagine our happiness when we spotted her!), wonderful fight sequences (some in shadow), humour, romance, suspense and a great score.

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We must admit to a weakness for men who shoot arrows while on horseback. But only in historical clothing.

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Another interesting detail is that for macho men, the outlaws are very happy to be shown up by others. We think a lot of people can learn something from them about lightening up and not taking themselves so seriously…

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Like these guys.

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What we learned: unlike other Robin Hoods, he can speak with an English accent. (Okay, we’re Norwegian and not particularly good at distinguishing accents in English, and we know that Flynn was Australian so this may be a blatant lie, but dammit! Men in Tights [1993] is NOT on the list, and this may be our only chance to quote the great Cary Elwes in this blog, so we’re bloody well going to go for it!)

Next time: The Lady Vanishes (1938)